Over these last few months, Christian has grown rather fond of certain movie/television characters. Fond, to the point, where somedays he wants to be called by the character’s name.

I was curious, as we headed back to school, if he would insist that teachers/students at school call him by the name of the character for that given day/hour/minute. Thankfully, he is willing to save these characters for home and/or during therapy time. I’m okay with that. ;)

Anyway, his favorite characters to be (in order of appearance)…

  • Sawyer Nelson, from the movie ‘Dolphin Tale’ — Sawyer is SO gentle and caring in this movie

Image

  • Harry Potter — Christian is starting to be a ‘dead ringer’ for Harry now with his longer hair and an old pair of my glasses frames

Image

  • Murray Monster, from ‘Sesame Street’ — always sharing with us “The Word On The Street” and wishing us “peace” :)

Image

Somehow time has flown.

All of the sudden we have shimmied from April right through summer and into the start of another school year.

There was so much that I had wished to chronicle here, but … yeah.

Let’s just say that these months have been a journey…

Image

… during this time we have experienced awesome accomplishments and stared some huge fears in the face. There have been tweaks, tantrums, and tears. There have been sighs, snickers, and great rejoicing.

Through the good, the bad, and the ugly, it is amazing to see how far we have come, as individuals AND as a family.

We have walked, crawled, and sprinted along the way. Sometimes together. Sometimes on our own. But always with God at our side.

And as I hope to return here again to write soon, I just want to leave the verse that I have been clinging to on this journey… “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” ~Jeremiah 29:11

Sometimes it’s not.

I don’t know how else to answer that question that I’ve been hearing so much of lately from Olivia. I understand her frustration, sadness, and/or embarrassment. My heart breaks for her, but it also breaks for Christian when he is struggling, and more often than not right now, it is torn in opposite directions.

How is it fair that we have to leave a party just as she is getting settled and starting to play with cousins who she rarely sees? How is it fair that we have to ask Christian to stay in a place where he is clearly overwhelmed and in a high state of ‘fight or flight’ mode? How is it fair that she cries all the way home? How is it fair that he cries all the way there?

How is it fair that she has to sit through Sunday School when Christian gets his lesson taught by mom in a separate room? How is it fair that she has to sit through church as Brian and I take turns watching a taped service in another room because her brother can’t be in church (for reasons unknown to us)? How is it fair that he is so clearly overwhelmed by things that he cannot express in words to help us understand how he is feeling and why he is acting the way that he is?

How is it fair that she has to watch Mom wrestle her half-dressed brother out of her friend’s house when he refuses to leave and we just have to go? How is it fair that he gets to stay home when it is the day of her school play performance and she has to attend most of his functions?

How is it fair???

Sometimes it just isn’t.

It is a compromise. A give-and-take. A dance.

I pray that someday she (and he) will understand the decisions that we have had to make. That we want to make things as fair as possible, but sometimes it just isn’t possible to be ‘fair’ the way that is expected.

Back story would help here, but I haven’t had the opportunity to write it yet … so let’s just say that Christian has been struggling a little quite a bit at school this last month. We (his entire team) don’t know what happened to set this struggle into motion, but it’s there and has been incredibly hard for everyone involved, especially Christian.

As Christian’s Team adjourned from an ‘emergency’ meeting at school a couple of weeks ago, the principal (Mr. G) just asked me what my plan was for Christian coming back after his Spring Break. You see, my daughter and I continue our Spring Breaks through the end of the week and Christian goes back today. Initially, I planned on driving Christian into school in the mornings. Why wouldn’t I?? I’m home and then Brian wouldn’t need to make an extra trip into town…

…ah, but his point exactly…

…we need to keep the ‘status quo.’ Christian needs the sameness of a regular school morning. So, Olivia and I will rush out of the house as normal right around 7 a.m. for the rest of the week and Brian will drive Christian to school, as usual. The words ‘No School!’ were removed from the calendar and Liv & I talk in secret about our day-time plans.

I pray that all of this helps Christian. I am at a loss, otherwise.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you. [1 Peter 5:7]

I find it a bit embarrassing that I haven’t posted since October. In the least, life has been crazy – crazy good, crazy bad, and crazy everything in-between…

I find myself wanting to post today since it is World Autism Awareness Day (WAAD). There is so much to tell…

…sigh…

…I could tell you how this winter has been SO INCREDIBLY hard on Christian. And how he has started to loathe the snow. And how I can’t blame him as I am super sick of it, too, but, seriously, every time it has snowed (or even thought about snowing) since January, he has broken down into tears. And how he then insists on going outside and shoveling the snow to look for the grass. And how I know, That’s SO cute! And how, it is. And that I’m so thankful that he has the words this year to tell us why he is so upset, but that being jumped on at 2 in the morning because it started snowing and we have to go ‘shovel the yard’ gets kind of tiring after awhile. ‘Good-bye Snow! Hello Grass!!!’ Please tell me that this will be a reality soon! #AutismAwareness

…I could tell you how about a month, no, maybe two months ago! we transitioned from the ‘child training room’ at church into the actual sanctuary! :) And how we were thrilled and excited beyond words! And we forced ourselves to somewhat contain our excitement for a couple of weeks not wanting to ‘get our hopes up’. And Christian was participating (more than he ever had before). Pixar was behaving. Olivia was so happy to be actually sitting ‘in church’. Everything was amazing! :D And then all of the sudden it wasn’t. And we were forced to carry him out while he kicked and screamed and cried about ‘Go Home NOW!!!’ And how we have tried for three services now to get there with him (dressed). And how that hasn’t worked. And how I’m praying that this weekend will be different. That everything will be fine again and that I’ll force myself to contain my excitement again so that I won’t ‘get my hopes up’. #AutismAwareness

…I could tell you about my trip with Christian to the store this afternoon. And how we were just returning Olivia’s ‘Redbox’ movies and getting a donut (it’s Spring Break).  And then how the ‘sky started falling’ because movie display area is moved from where it is ‘supposed’ to be. And how I tried to calm him and keep him safe, but that wasn’t working at all. And how I just wanted to curl up on the floor with him and scream & cry, but didn’t. And how we drew a crowd of onlookers. And how much I appreciated the two people who did stop to ask if they could help. And how I knew they really meant it and weren’t just pitying us, but I wasn’t actually sure what they could do to help. #AutismAwareness

…sigh…

…I have so much more that I could tell you — medication changes, bus issues, emergency school meetings, sibling issues, sleep issues, etc. — someday I hope to get these things chronicled here. Until then we will just continue in this crazy good, crazy bad, and crazy everything in-between life. And I will be praying for peace on this crazy journey. #AutismAwareness

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go. [Joshua 1:9]

I’ve been in training for a half-marathon. Here’s the post I shared on my running blog…

Challenge.

Like the title of this post, “Fried” pretty much sums things up lately…

Our laptop fried itself a couple of weeks ago. I was thankful to be able to utilize Christian’s iPad in the evenings to check email/Facebook, but it wouldn’t let me post here so I have all of these “semi-posts” floating around in my head! I’m glad to report that Brian found us an old-school refurbished laptop. It’s a bit slower than our old model. I’m sure the kids won’t appreciate that, but Brian and I will be able to get done what we need to get done. :)

Up until this week, I was feeling “fried” on a daily basis. By 3:30 in the afternoon, I was feeling emotionally, physically, mentally shot. Completely overwhelmed. Home, school, work, etc. was all just feeling like too much. I was frustrated with myself on so many levels — for not finding time during the week to run, because I really wanted to lace up my shoes and go, but it just wasn’t happening; for eating really poorly for the last month; for being SO tired ALL of the time; for not being on top of everyone’s schedules consistently; for hating my commute even though I love to drive; for having to figure out a new med schedule for Christian so that afternoons at school weren’t too much for him; for the bus scheduler for changing the routes/drivers/times and failing to give us notice about any of that; for feeling so down; for getting so sick; for forgetting things that I used to just be able to remember; for so many more things that I can’t explain and/or remember. All of these things just ate at me and left me with nothing. I felt “fried”. Essentially burnt to a crisp and worth nothing…

…but for whatever reason, it seemed as I turned the calendar to October on Monday I started not feeling quite so “fried.” I found time to run on the weekends and while I wish it was more I’ll be happy that I have THAT time to better my body and mind… My food choices are something that I have control over. I can’t go back and “uneat” food, but I can make better choices in the days to come. I will focus on that… As for being tired, I find it hard to combat that feeling, but I can choose to go to bed earlier. But no matter how much (or how little) sleep I get, I am sleeping much more soundly than I have in the last 8-1/2 years. That is amazing!… Everyone’s schedules are difficult to be on top of, but I’m trying – utilizing multiple calendars – depending on Brian to take care of more things – writing myself more daily lists of things to do and post-it notes. It will come as things become more routine and we’re starting to get there… While I still wish that my commute wasn’t quite so long (especially considering the amount of $$ that we have to spend on gas), I am starting to remember to enjoy the quiet, the “me” time, the beauty of the creation along the route, my music, my thoughts, my coffee. I am also trying to focus less on the stress I feel from getting from point A to point B to point C in X amount of time and just realize that I will get there as soon as I can. Focusing more on what I can control over things that I can’t… I was bummed that we had to make the decision to add an afternoon med to Christian’s. We prefer to use as little medication as possible, but it was SO necessary. After the first week of school, Christian’s afternoon started to go downhill quickly, by the end of the day his teachers were struggling to get him to do anything other than stim, script, and pace. There was immediate proof that this was the right decision, though, when on the very first afternoon on the meds he was able to participate with his class for the ENTIRE day. My heart smiled as that note came home. We want the best for Christian and right now, at THIS time, this IS the best for him… I was pretty miffed and disappointed with the whole bus chaos, especially with what happened last January and the promise that would never happen again. So I donned my Mama Bear growl and called the bus scheduler directly to complain. He lied to me (knowingly or not, I’m not really sure), but at least he’s aware of the situation now and hopefully will know not to let that happen again (or this Mama will have no qualms about picking up the phone to call and complain again) and take it to another level if necessary…

So, anyway, what I’m saying in a very round-about way is that I’m starting to find the peace in the daily things that I used to “fry” me. Understanding that God has put me where I am, at this moment, for (a) purpose(s), even if they are not (all) evident to me right now. When I trust that God will get me through these struggles/moments, when I remember that HE is my strength and in control of ALL things, then I find the peace that I need/crave.

Philippians 4:13 – I can do all things through CHRIST who strengths me. {scripture verse that I wear as a reminder on a daily basis}

Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 39 other followers