Some nights I dream about running away (but not long-term).  Not because I don’t love my family because I do.  I love my children.  I love my husband.  But I am tired.  Exhausted.  And I think that much of it stems from having to multi-task constantly.  All day.  Everyday.  (And I seem to do it even while I sleep.  Overachiever.  😉 )

Even while I typed this first paragraph, I have answered the phone, wiped a behind, listened to my child tantrum, gotten out snacks (don’t worry, I washed my hands! 😉 ), listened to my other child sass, given out tape, started supper, added to my list, etc.  I am pulled in so many different directions all of the time…

I know that I’m not the only mom/parent who goes through these emotions and while it’s nice to know that I am not alone in these issues, it doesn’t take the issues away.  I don’t feel any more rested.  I don’t feel any less overwhelmed.  I would like a vacation (without ANY responsibilities), but I don’t see that happening any time soon. (Some day… 😉 )

I guess, what I need is to figure out is how to multi-task more effectively so that I use less energy doing it.  Once upon a time, I was able to do this very well.  If only I could remember how…

The thought had crossed my mind yesterday to brag say how happy I’ve been with how Christian has been sleeping at night.  Especially since he got his “big, fancy bed.”  He has been sleeping SO well with the “new” bed.  I have been getting sleep.  Our whole household has been getting sleep!  There is much rejoicing!  🙂

Until the snow started late last evening.  Christian finally agreed to sleep about 9:30.  Yay.  I actually stayed up a little later last night and looked up some info on the computer.  I drifted easily into dreamland…zzzzzzzz…Crash!  Slam!  Giggle…

…huh?  What was that?!?  Oh, Christian was up.  I rolled over and flipped open my phone to check on the time.  It was 2:15.  Sigh.

I tried taking him to the bathroom.  He didn’t need to go.  He wanted to spell with his letter blocks.  Fine.  I would lay back down on the couch.  Zzz… “Mom!  Downstairs!”

OK, fine.  We would go downstairs.  I was hoping that he would do whatever it was that he needed to do and then just fall asleep on top of me.  (Which is how it usually works with these middle of the night wakings.)

No such luck.  I laid down on the loveseat in the basement and tried to rest in-between the times he needed me to help him get this, change that, reach this, etc.  Before I knew it, my alarm was going off.  Sigh.  (I use the alarm on my cell phone and sleep with jammies that have pockets so that I don’t oversleep no matter where I end up.)  Christian was still awake.  He didn’t look like he was going back to sleep any time soon.  And he didn’t.

So he went to school with under 5 hours of sleep and apparently had a pretty great day.  (I don’t know that I could do that.)

I’m just hoping that he will actually sleep well tonight.  Over 8 hours.  That would be blissful.

Last night, I woke at 3:30am and could NOT get back to sleep.  The more I tried to sleep, the more I couldn’t, so I decided to just get up, catch up on the news, read the ads, and chill on the couch.  I was hoping to be lulled back to sleep by the quiet of the house and the boredom of the news repeating every 1/2-hour.  It didn’t work.

I think that Christian’s anxiety over the coming break from routine is making me anxious — making me wonder if we will battle more and/or different issues than what we had last Christmas break.  We have a HUGE snowstorm predicted to slam into the state on Christmas Eve into Day which makes me wonder how our sleep will be affected because of the drastic change in weather.  Brian has a minor surgery, yet still surgery, coming up and I wonder how much pain he will be in afterwards and how much help he will need and how I will be able to balance his needs with the needs of both of the kids (as Christian’s break will still be going on)…

(The one part of his surgery day that I am really looking forward to is the 4-7 hours that I will have to spend at the hospital where I am in charge of absolutely no one else!  I will not be interrupted by a hundred questions a minute every minute for an hour.  I will not have to wipe anyone’s behind or nose (unless it’s my own).  I will not have to listen to the endless tantrum of a toddler bent on wearing a bathing suit (only) out in the snow.  …  Those hours will be a tiny sliver of the respite that I SO DESPARATELY need!!!  I am SO looking forward to that!  🙂 )

Anyway, I guess my mind is just racing.  Filled with SO much uncertainly at the moment.  Having a hard time focusing on the celebration of Christmas that is at hand.  I’m exhausted.  On the verge of tears.  Spent.  Having a hard time holding myself together.

Thankful, so very thankful, that I’m not the one in control of this crazy thing call life. 

Dear Lord, help me cast all of my anxieties on you…

Brian and I received an extraordinarily super generous gift on Tuesday.  Money towards purchasing a snow thrower!  An answer to prayers!!!  A relief to me…

…I have been trying to shovel our driveway when I can.  I can’t shovel when I’m in charge of watching both kids as I cannot bring Christian out without having to chase him around.  Olivia gets a little bored after a 1/2-hour when no one is directly playing with her.  I’m not comfortable leaving them in the house unsupervised.  (I can hardly take a shower without coming out to find some sort of serious disagreement/pushing-shoving match.)  It’s been taking me well over an hour to shovel, closer to 1-1/2 hours, leaving me exhausted and hardly able to move for a couple of hours.  (I have the start of a slipped disk in my back and have had some carpal tunnel issues since both of my pregnancies.)  Still, it has to be done so that the bus and therapists can get in and out of our driveway.

The real kicker is that Brian is going in for hernia surgery at the end of the month.  That leaves me in charge of everything (and Christian is off of school yet, too).  I don’t mind being in charge of everything, but it scared me to have that responsibility and the snow removal, too. 

This gift of a snow thrower is just so awesome!  Really beyond words for me as “Thank You” seems so inadequate.  Brian and I went and picked one out last night and brought it home.  I’m ecstatic!  I have something new to learn now, too, as I have never operated a snow thrower before.  😉  I know I will still have to find the time to be able to move the snow, but hopefully it will make it much faster and allow me to come back into the house without all of the body pain.  🙂

Thank you for the gift!  Brian and I appreciate it SO incredibly much!!!

I’m afraid that we’re in for a LONG winter.  Christian seems to be VERY affected by each atmospheric pressure change.  Any time that it starts snowing/freezing rain overnight, he is awake by 3am.  (Like he was last night.)  Any time the precipitation starts during the day and continues into the night, he can’t fall asleep until the early hours of the morning.  Sigh.  I wish I knew it there was ANYthing that I could to do help him get a full-night’s sleep.  (For my benefit, too.) 

By the way, melatonin is not longer an effective treatment for us.  😦

Our house became the site of my in-law’s 40th anniversary party yesterday.  Brian and his sister, LB, did most of the planning.  My plan was to clean the house and make whatever it was that they needed me to make.

Seriously, I don’t think our house has ever been this clean.  Ever.  ‘Cuz even when we moved in there was construction dust everywhere.  (If you want to see a clean house, visit tomorrow as I don’t know how long the clean-ness will last! 😉 )  I was proud of my accomplishment.  I asked Brian last night how long he thought this could last.  He said, “Maybe a 1/2-day.” I would LOVE it to last.  Realistically, I don’t know if it is humanly possible, but I’m happy to say that it is still VERY clean at the end of the day today. 🙂

The party went REALLY well.  Everyone seemed to be having a great time.  The entertainment portion went excellently!  (Brian was really worried about this.)  The food was delicious.  (Thankfully, I was only in charge of making green bean casserole and the punches (rum and unrum).)  By the time everyone left, there was minimal work on our part to get everything cleaned up.  Lovely!  Fun.

(And Christian did OK with the large number of people in our house.  He was most upset that he was not allowed to wear his jammies during the party — we had a 1/2-hour meltdown in his bedroom.  But he was happy that he still had control over the small TV in the basement, so that appeased him.  🙂  )

Today, though, my body just hurts.  Every single one of my joints ache.  I would just like to crawl in bed and sleep.  (Do you think I can convince everyone to go to bed by 6pm??? 😉 )  Time to hit the ibuprofen, perhaps.

Anyway, I’m just happy that everything went as smoothly as it did yesterday and everyone seemed to have a great time!

Happy 40th Anniversary, H & K!!!  Many more blessed years to you!  🙂

This week has been one of those fast-moving “never a dull moment” kind of weeks.  Christian has been home all week (except for Tuesday, and even then I was called to pick him up early from school).  I don’t think that he has minded getting to hang out in his favorite jammies all day though.  😉  He is starting to move around a little more quickly and we are starting to hear cycles of his “happy screaming” come back to life, but he is not quite back to normal.  (And this I can tell for sure, because he is napping right now, which never happens when he is perfectly healthy.)

 However, since Christian’s illness is not contagious, we have been trying to have therapy yesterday and today.  So, yesterday afternoon PS was here having therapy with Christian in the basement, where Olivia had joined them.  (Really, I think Olivia is under the impression that the therapists foremost job is to play with her. 😉 )  Christian and Liv were bouncing around in the ballpit and pretending to be stuck in one of the corners.  Well, Christian was actually stuck with Liv laying on top of him, so PS grabbed Olivia by the hands to pick her up off of him when she started crying hysterically.  This was not her whiny cry.  This was not her attention-getting cry.  This was her real “I’m hurt!” cry.  Poor PS was trying to console an inconsolable Olivia. I came down and brought Livs back upstairs and sat her down on my lap.  Anytime she moved her arm, even the tiniest little bit, she would scream out in pain and start crying again.

Instinctually, my gut said, “dislocated elbow.”  Christian had 3 or 4 dislocated elbows when he was between the ages of 2-3.  It seemed like this was exactly was Liv had going on, but there was a bit of doubt in my mind just because she had never had this problem before.  After trying to console her for 2+ hours, I decided to take her into the urgent care once AT & LW got here to do therapy with Christian.  Liv was still crying as I got her into the car, cried on the way over to the clinic, cried getting out of the car…and then we were sitting in the registration area when all of the sudden she turned to me and said, “Mommy, my arm not hurt anymore.”  She was bending and twisting her arm again with a smile on her face.  So, we just talked to the nurse, who confirmed my initial thought of it being a dislocated elbow” and told me that if we didn’t wait to see the doctor, she wouldn’t charge us for the visit.  We left with a couple more stickers than what we came with.  🙂

Today, Christian is doing well, but still has a pretty significant cough.  And Olivia has a belly ache, threw-up once, and has taken three naps already (and it is only 1pm).  Poor Livs, is just not doing well.  😦  I’m hoping that all of the extra sleep will be what she needs to help her tummy feel better!

I have been more exhausted than normal and thinking that my ears may have some fluid inside, but am doing OK.  Looking forward to having everybody feeling better again. 🙂  (And hopefully soon…)