Like the title of this post, “Fried” pretty much sums things up lately…

Our laptop fried itself a couple of weeks ago. I was thankful to be able to utilize Christian’s iPad in the evenings to check email/Facebook, but it wouldn’t let me post here so I have all of these “semi-posts” floating around in my head! I’m glad to report that Brian found us an old-school refurbished laptop. It’s a bit slower than our old model. I’m sure the kids won’t appreciate that, but Brian and I will be able to get done what we need to get done. 🙂

Up until this week, I was feeling “fried” on a daily basis. By 3:30 in the afternoon, I was feeling emotionally, physically, mentally shot. Completely overwhelmed. Home, school, work, etc. was all just feeling like too much. I was frustrated with myself on so many levels — for not finding time during the week to run, because I really wanted to lace up my shoes and go, but it just wasn’t happening; for eating really poorly for the last month; for being SO tired ALL of the time; for not being on top of everyone’s schedules consistently; for hating my commute even though I love to drive; for having to figure out a new med schedule for Christian so that afternoons at school weren’t too much for him; for the bus scheduler for changing the routes/drivers/times and failing to give us notice about any of that; for feeling so down; for getting so sick; for forgetting things that I used to just be able to remember; for so many more things that I can’t explain and/or remember. All of these things just ate at me and left me with nothing. I felt “fried”. Essentially burnt to a crisp and worth nothing…

…but for whatever reason, it seemed as I turned the calendar to October on Monday I started not feeling quite so “fried.” I found time to run on the weekends and while I wish it was more I’ll be happy that I have THAT time to better my body and mind… My food choices are something that I have control over. I can’t go back and “uneat” food, but I can make better choices in the days to come. I will focus on that… As for being tired, I find it hard to combat that feeling, but I can choose to go to bed earlier. But no matter how much (or how little) sleep I get, I am sleeping much more soundly than I have in the last 8-1/2 years. That is amazing!… Everyone’s schedules are difficult to be on top of, but I’m trying – utilizing multiple calendars – depending on Brian to take care of more things – writing myself more daily lists of things to do and post-it notes. It will come as things become more routine and we’re starting to get there… While I still wish that my commute wasn’t quite so long (especially considering the amount of $$ that we have to spend on gas), I am starting to remember to enjoy the quiet, the “me” time, the beauty of the creation along the route, my music, my thoughts, my coffee. I am also trying to focus less on the stress I feel from getting from point A to point B to point C in X amount of time and just realize that I will get there as soon as I can. Focusing more on what I can control over things that I can’t… I was bummed that we had to make the decision to add an afternoon med to Christian’s. We prefer to use as little medication as possible, but it was SO necessary. After the first week of school, Christian’s afternoon started to go downhill quickly, by the end of the day his teachers were struggling to get him to do anything other than stim, script, and pace. There was immediate proof that this was the right decision, though, when on the very first afternoon on the meds he was able to participate with his class for the ENTIRE day. My heart smiled as that note came home. We want the best for Christian and right now, at THIS time, this IS the best for him… I was pretty miffed and disappointed with the whole bus chaos, especially with what happened last January and the promise that would never happen again. So I donned my Mama Bear growl and called the bus scheduler directly to complain. He lied to me (knowingly or not, I’m not really sure), but at least he’s aware of the situation now and hopefully will know not to let that happen again (or this Mama will have no qualms about picking up the phone to call and complain again) and take it to another level if necessary…

So, anyway, what I’m saying in a very round-about way is that I’m starting to find the peace in the daily things that I used to “fry” me. Understanding that God has put me where I am, at this moment, for (a) purpose(s), even if they are not (all) evident to me right now. When I trust that God will get me through these struggles/moments, when I remember that HE is my strength and in control of ALL things, then I find the peace that I need/crave.

Philippians 4:13 – I can do all things through CHRIST who strengths me. {scripture verse that I wear as a reminder on a daily basis}

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