I have often wondered if Christian feels left out when around other children who are not playing with him.  Usually, though, that is by his choice.  He chooses to do something else or moves away from the loud ruckus of the others seemingly not bothered to be doing his own thing by himself…

…until the 4th of July.  [my heart breaks a little recounting it]  Our neighbors’ host this HUGE party every year — lots of people, lots of food, lots of noise, lots of fireworks.  Last year, this event went pretty much unnoticed by Christian, at least, until the fireworks started.  But this year…oh, this year, there was my boy.  Face squished up against the fence.  Fingers laced through.  A look on his face like he wanted to be there.

Then the questions welled up in my mind like a flood — Does he want to be there with the people?  Does the food appeal to him?  Do the giggles of the kids chasing each other call to him?  Or does just want to go in and out of their house like everyone else there?  Is it just the lure of their play tower beckoning him?  Does he just want to break in for their movie collection and hijack them for his own?  What is the draw?  Why is he standing there staring?  Does he feel left out???

I really wish I knew.  I still haven’t been able to figure it out.  But it still tears my heart in two.

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