Last night, I woke at 3:30am and could NOT get back to sleep.  The more I tried to sleep, the more I couldn’t, so I decided to just get up, catch up on the news, read the ads, and chill on the couch.  I was hoping to be lulled back to sleep by the quiet of the house and the boredom of the news repeating every 1/2-hour.  It didn’t work.

I think that Christian’s anxiety over the coming break from routine is making me anxious — making me wonder if we will battle more and/or different issues than what we had last Christmas break.  We have a HUGE snowstorm predicted to slam into the state on Christmas Eve into Day which makes me wonder how our sleep will be affected because of the drastic change in weather.  Brian has a minor surgery, yet still surgery, coming up and I wonder how much pain he will be in afterwards and how much help he will need and how I will be able to balance his needs with the needs of both of the kids (as Christian’s break will still be going on)…

(The one part of his surgery day that I am really looking forward to is the 4-7 hours that I will have to spend at the hospital where I am in charge of absolutely no one else!  I will not be interrupted by a hundred questions a minute every minute for an hour.  I will not have to wipe anyone’s behind or nose (unless it’s my own).  I will not have to listen to the endless tantrum of a toddler bent on wearing a bathing suit (only) out in the snow.  …  Those hours will be a tiny sliver of the respite that I SO DESPARATELY need!!!  I am SO looking forward to that!  🙂 )

Anyway, I guess my mind is just racing.  Filled with SO much uncertainly at the moment.  Having a hard time focusing on the celebration of Christmas that is at hand.  I’m exhausted.  On the verge of tears.  Spent.  Having a hard time holding myself together.

Thankful, so very thankful, that I’m not the one in control of this crazy thing call life. 

Dear Lord, help me cast all of my anxieties on you…