This post has been running around in my head for a few days.  My thoughts don’t want to come together coherently, so I thought that I’d just start typing and see where that gets me.

Lately I have been feeling very alone.  I know that I live in a house with my wonderful husband and fabulous children, but I still feel lonely.  We have therapists coming in and out of our house five days a week working with Christian, but I still long for a conversation with another adult.  My phone doesn’t ring.  My inbox has no messages besides junk.  IMs with friends/family are few and far between.  I’m tired of being the one to initiate contact — feeling like I am inconveniencing the person on the other end.  Maybe they don’t really want to talk to me.  And, ironically, I’m not sure what I’d talk about if I did get the opportunity to connect with someone.  Perhaps this is just an extension of the “funk” that I was in last week.  Who knows?  All I know is that I feel alone.

It’s not the first time that I’ve faced the “alone challenge.”  I spent most of high school feeling that way.  I cycled through it again after college when I was out on my own living away from most of my family and friends.  It came back again after each of the kids were born, again being away from most of those closest to us.  And now the feeling comes and goes. 

I was pondering this the last few days.  This feeling of complete loneliness.  This wondering if anyone really cares.  I know there are people out there that do.  I’m not sure why it is so hard for me to believe it.  I guess it stems from a feeling of not being worthy.

But more than anything, even if there is no one out there who really cares, I KNOW that God does.  So, really, I shouldn’t need that feeling of acceptance from the rest of the world, or even just from my family and friends.  Perhaps, I have to cycle through these feelings of loneliness to be reminded that HE will ALWAYS be there for me.  I will be able to get a hold of Him ANY time that I need to — He is never to busy with something else to listen.  And I do have access to what HE has to say to me all of the time — in His Word.  This feeling of lowness can remind me of my greatest friend — Jesus.  If I have to experience this aloneness to remember God’s ever-presence, then I will thank God for this loneliness that reminds me of His goodness.  With Him, I will never be truly alone.

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