Watching Christian this week at swimming lessons made me realize something, as much as I want my kids to feel accepted and part of the group, I really want the same thing for myself.  I have always found it difficult to make friends and to get over my overwhelming shyness.  I’m sure that people I have crossed paths with have considered me snobby or unfriendly because I have a hard time coming up with conversation.  It’s not because I don’t want to — I desperately would LOVE to connect with other people.  I have just felt like I have nothing to contribute to an interesting conversation.  Unfortunately, I find that with lack of sleep this gets even harder for me.  I feel like an outsider among all of the moms that are standing there striking up conversations among themselves and making playdates for their kids to get together.  Why is that initial connection SO difficult for me?  My mind sometimes then wonders if part of Christian’s social issues stem from my own?!? (And Olivia’s extreme shyness around new people.)  I pray that I can overcome this (as well as my kids) and that I won’t always feel so much like an outsider desperately wanting to not feel so lonely.

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